Marriage and Divorce – What Happened to Our Ethics?

By George Omagbemi

There was a time when marriage was understood as more than love, companionship or a social celebration. It was a commitment — a promise to build, endure, nurture and take responsibility for the lives that might come from that union.

Today, as marriages collapse, homes are divided and children increasingly find themselves caught between separated parents, society must confront a deeper ethical question: when did we begin to value our right to walk away more than our responsibility to the children left behind?
Divorce is sometimes necessary, particularly in situations involving abuse, violence, exploitation or other circumstances that make a marriage unsafe. But when separation becomes the first response to disagreements, financial pressure, pride, infidelity or poor communication, its consequences can extend far beyond the couple involved.

Children often bear the emotional and practical consequences of family breakdown. Some struggle with insecurity, divided loyalties, behavioural difficulties or financial hardship. Others may grow up questioning the meaning of commitment, stability and family responsibility.

Children do not choose the circumstances into which they are born, yet they inevitably live with the consequences of the choices adults make.

The concern, therefore, is not simply about the growing number of single mothers or fathers. It is about the weakening culture of responsibility surrounding parenthood.

Having a child is not a temporary commitment that expires when a relationship ends. Parenthood is a lifelong responsibility. A separation may bring a marriage to an end, but it should never bring a parent’s responsibility to an end.

Love, protection, education, emotional support, financial care and moral guidance remain parental obligations, regardless of whether the parents continue to live under the same roof.

Parents who no longer live together must learn to separate marital disagreements from parental responsibilities. Children should not be used as weapons in adult conflicts, denied access to either parent without legitimate reason, abandoned financially or forced to carry the bitterness of their parents.

Responsible parenting means putting the welfare and future of the child above personal anger.

The consequences can also extend beyond the present generation. Today’s children may eventually become tomorrow’s parents, carrying with them the values, relationship patterns, communication styles and understanding of responsibility they learnt at home.

This does not mean children from separated or single-parent homes are destined to repeat those experiences. Many grow into responsible, successful and emotionally healthy adults. But the values society normalises today can influence the family culture passed from one generation to another.
Marriage, therefore, requires more than love. It demands patience, communication, sacrifice, accountability, forgiveness and maturity. A society that teaches people how to fall in love but fails to teach them how to remain responsible risks producing relationships without adequately preparing people for the responsibilities that come with building families.

This is why greater attention must be paid to preparation for marriage and responsible parenthood. Families, schools, religious institutions and communities all have roles to play in helping young people understand that bringing a child into the world comes with obligations that do not disappear when a relationship becomes difficult.

At the same time, society must be careful not to turn this conversation into an attack on divorcees or single parents. Leaving an abusive or dangerous marriage can be an act of protection, not irresponsibility. What must remain non-negotiable, however, is the responsibility parents owe their children.
The goal should not be to condemn divorce or stigmatise single parents. Rather, it should be to restore the seriousness of commitment and reinforce the principle that responsible parenthood must continue before, during and after marriage — regardless of what happens between the adults.

Because when a marriage ends, two adults may go their separate ways.
But the child they brought into the world still belongs to both of them. And that responsibility does not end with the divorce papers.

Children — and the generations they will one day raise — deserve nothing less.