A psychologist, Dr Adeoye Oyewole, has disclosed that a flawed interpretation of feminism in Nigeria has created an unhealthy imbalance, relegating men to the background and saddling them with sole responsibility for family upkeep.
This dynamic, he noted, has led to depression and passive suicide among married men whose wives fail to provide adequate support.
Dr Oyewole raised this concern during the International Men’s Day (IMD) celebration.
He explained that societal and family pressures on married men deter some bachelors from settling down.
Dr Oyewole, also a psychiatrist, urged women to ease marital burdens on their spouses, emphasising that men should not suffer in silence but instead seek their wives’ support when needed.
He criticised the toxic brand of feminism that attacks men rather than promoting harmonious partnerships.
“Feminism has created an imbalance, pushing men to the background. True feminism makes you happily married, not combative. Some women have pushed this narrative to toxicity, crushing the boy child. Fathers must actively mentor their sons, as boys without guidance often grow into irresponsible men who cannot lead,” he said.
Dr Oyewole highlighted the detrimental effects of toxic feminism, where some women instil negative perceptions of fathers in their children.
“The way forward is partnership and synergy rather than combativeness. When you see a combative woman, examine her upbringing. The relationship between her parents often mirrors how she will relate to her husband,” he added.
Criticising the notion that a man’s earnings are communal while a woman’s are personal, Dr Oyewole observed, “Many men shoulder all financial responsibilities while their wives save their earnings. This patriarchal mindset fuels men’s desire to appear omnipotent, which places them under immense pressure.”
He stressed that many men mask depression with alcohol or suppress it entirely, which worsens their health. “The rate of hypertension and heart problems among men is alarming. Relocating abroad also adds to the pressure, as many women live overseas with the children, leaving their husbands lonely and stressed in Nigeria,” he said.
Dr Oyewole advised men to overcome ego and seek help when necessary. “Men in mid-life should prioritise therapy and self-care. The rate of suicide among men is rising, including passive suicide, where men neglect their health and ignore medical advice. Wives should provide emotional support and ensure their husbands are not overburdened,” he concluded.
The psychologist urged both men and women to embrace mutual support, highlighting that healthy marriages depend on shared responsibilities and understanding.
Adding their voices, some married men appealed to the government to prioritise their welfare and enhance IMD celebrations with rewards and activities similar to those observed during women’s annual events.
Ganiyu Akeem lamented the subdued recognition of IMD, stating, “Most people didn’t even know that we men were celebrated. It was dry, and most wives didn’t even wish their husbands happy IMD. I think it is high time the government and other stakeholders started prioritising issues affecting men because our lives matter too.”
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